Sexy Is

Since I'm in transition right now and questioning everything and anything in life, I've been doing a lot of thinking about gender roles. What is sex (aside from the obvious physical/biological act meant to produce offspring)? What does being sexy mean?

Movies, advertisements, societal views, culture often dictate the way we think about sex. We're taught that to behave and look a certain way is "sexy" for women, and men must act and dress in a certain fashion to be "sexy" as well. I realized it's not easier to be a man than a woman, nor vice versa. There is a well-worn code and path of behavior for both genders. There is pressure to live up to this standard.

But maybe for someone, sexy is pole-dancing and strip-teasing, while for someone else, it means cross-dressing and chain-smoking(? Too much "Mad Men" for me lately, I suppose). It could be as simple as a meaningful gaze, a caring caress, or letting the layers peel away to reveal the playfulness and innocence of the inner child.

The way one dresses - whether or not it is considered "sexy" by societal standards - doesn't necessarily have to be a means to lure in a mate, a good catch. It can be a way of self-expression and means of sharing one's identity, preferences, and choices. Whether it is dressing simply or ornately, clothing can be a form of "hiding" oneself, or instead, a form of self-expression. I realized I can take two minutes extra to use clothing in a way that expresses myself, rather than hiding myself under an extra-baggy, nondescript sack.

It's about feeling good and not being afraid to feel good. It's about being comfortable in one's own skin. It's about knowing who one is and being unafraid to share that with others.