Homecoming

Hello! It has been quite a while since my last post. I'm writing now from the comforts (oh so comfortable!) of my living room back in California, after wandering in India for 2.5 months. As my journey started taking on an intensely personal nature, I ended up naturally stopping most of my journaling and blogging. I just checked and noticed it's been about two months since my last post. How time flies.

So now I'm back, with new eyes. So much has changed while I was gone, both within (me) and without (family, friends, environment...). There's a giant new Safeway right near my house now. I think it's trying to emulate Whole Foods. Even my favorite used bookstore in downtown Mountain View has a new trade-in system. Golly! I came in with four boxes of books, thought I was an old hand at this business, and was faced with an entirely new checkout system.

It was hard to write this post, even. I've had it partially-completed for days now, refusing to commit(!), to clicking that "publish post" button. To announce that I'm back, with nothing "tangible" to show for it. I'd rather keep the doubts and thoughts to myself for now, thank you very much. Having been resume-driven for the past few years, it is hard to admit that I spent months doing something not resume-friendly at all - perhaps, gasp, detrimental to that life-defining record!!! Yet the noncognitive skills I gained and appreciated while I was on the road are certainly not things I could have picked up had I remained in school. I feel like I have gained much wealth, though it is perhaps not readily measured and visible. It's not like a high score on the MCAT or a fat bonus from work - nothing that can be measured, nothing that affords bragging rights. I came home with half-a-dozen books on my back (always reading, that never changes), a few faded Alibaba harem pants, and a few Ganesh/Om t-shirts, with the Ganesh and Om basically washed off. A paltry haul, one might say.

But as I washed the dishes today and ruminated, my favorite dish-washing side activity, a phrase suddenly popped in my mind. "Those who matter don't care; those who care don't matter." I feel like I'm in busyness withdrawal right now. I'm so used to identifying myself with what I do that being "idle" for a few hours, let alone a few days, is practically unbearable. Never mind that I have a 17-hour time difference, and thus ridiculous jetlag, to get over. It is hard to cut myself some slack - that is not something I ever do! Or did. And perhaps that has been my biggest mistake during the overachieving years of my life.

I was listening to some podcasts from my alma mater today, free classroom lectures that are available for lifelong learners all over the world. One story of the Buddha's that has been found throughout the ages, all over the world: if you play a stringed instrument, one must neither have the strings too loose or too tight - otherwise you can't play, or you'd sound God-awful! This story is, again, found all over the world, with the one difference in what instrument is used in the story. In India, one speaks of the sitar, while in Western civilization, perhaps the violin or guitar. In China, the erhu. The widespread existence of this story points to the way human life is best lived - neither with too much "slack" or too uptightly. To live in the balance point between these two extremes is to master the true art of living. Easier said than done.

Life in Rishikesh

...is pretty awesome.

Sometimes I hang out on a rock by the Ganges and can easily while away an afternoon. Sometimes I go to a yoga class and find myself missing my Ashtanga practice dearly. I hope I recover soon and I can return to it...

I took my first Indian "bucket" shower yesterday, since the shower didn't have any hot water. This was following my first Ayurvedic massage and shirodhara session, so I was drenched in oil (especially my hair). The "bucket" shower didn't suffice to clean out all the oil unfortunately. But it's a surprisingly water-saving way of showering!

Am meeting Nepali and Tibetan people this trip, making me more and more curious to visit those two areas on the world. So much to see and do! My mom has always wanted to visit Nepal and Tibet, so perhaps we can do that one day!

Dalai Lama quotes

"This is my simple religion. No need for temples. No need for complicated philosophy. Your own mind, your own heart is the temple. Your philosophy is simple kindness."

"The whole purpose of religion is to facilitate love and compassion, patience, tolerance, humility, and forgiveness."

"Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk."

"We can live without religion and meditation, but we cannot survive without human affection."

Rishikesh

Ahh...what a breath of fresh air to arrive in the holy city of Rishikesh on the banks of the Ganges River! After more than a week in the chaos and filth and swindling of Varanasi, it was an immense relief to reach Rishikesh, where the roads are three times wider and you're not being constantly pestered at every turn of the road ("Boat, madam, boat??").

This is a place I can stay for a while...

I know this to be true: I have a lot of head knowledge, but little of it is practical experience. And right now that head knowledge is slowly being forced into practice and transformed into the knowledge of experience.

Onwards!

Today is my last day in Kashi (Varanasi) - tomorrow morning, heading to Rishikesh!

Life in Kashi

This is the first time I've traveled and stayed in one place for an extended amount of time. Rather than going from tourist site to tourist site, I've kept my schedule purposefully open - NO schedule, really. Every day is an exercise in living in the present. It's a totally different mode of traveling, I'm realizing. I came to India largely also to study yoga, meditation, and Buddhism. In Varanasi, I had almost given up on finding a yoga teacher, because there are so many "fakes" in the tourist/backpacker ghetto. There was one elderly man who almost chased my friend and me down the alleys to convince us that we should study with him (he teaches Hindi, yoga, meditation..."anything we want"). I spent a little time looking online to see whether there was any real yoga at all, since Varanasi is famed for being a major educational center in India (Benares Hindu University is here, after all). I saw a listing for a yoga center near Shivala Ghat, and when my friend and I passed by one day, we decided to walk up and explore. We basically walked straight to the center unknowingly, and once outside the door, I was able to recognize the Devanagari script written on the sign. We walked in and were led to Guruji after a short wait. After some deliberation due to my "short" length of time in Varanasi, the teacher decided to take me on. It turns out that the teacher is Dr. Vagish Shastri, who apparently even taught Sanskrit pronunciation to Madonna! I've been taking classes with him one-on-one lately, for as long as I will be in Varanasi. It is NOT exercise, but truly traditional yoga. I learned 25 physical postures, and am currently learning pranayama (breathing exercises), which is sadly very ignored in American yoga. Today I will continue studying pranayama and also mantra yoga, which I've never done before. I had to buy two flower mala and two pieces of fruit for today. Not sure why...guess I'll see!

Life along the Ganges is very interesting. Varanasi is extreme in sacredness and profanity. Sometimes I experience the sweetest of sweet moments, awed by the common humanity we share amongst each other, and sometimes I am so angry and frustrated at how cruel and disgusting people can be to each other.

The world is such a big, crazy place. How can I go through life without experiencing it?

Banaras, City of Light

Hello from Varanasi! It is a place that is hard to explain in words. Today I got to row a boat on the Ganges River and later went to visit Sarnath, one of the four holiest sites for Buddhists (Sarnath - Deer Park - is where Buddha preached his first sermon, and is considered the site where Buddhism was founded). I have another week here in Varanasi, where time seems to stand still and life seems to exist in an alternate reality.

I am meeting the most interesting people. It is giving me ideas for the future, and most of all giving me HOPE for the future, my future.

I am learning more about people and what it means to be human. I am starting to let myself experience the inherent goodness within all people.