Thursday, January 27, 2011

It's Not What You Do, It's Who You Are

And they say..
She's so Lucky
She's a star
But she cry cry cries in her lonely heart
Thinking, if there's nothing missing in my life
Then why do these tears come at night?

Lost in an image, in a dream
But there's no one there to wake her up
And the world is spinning and she keeps on winning
But tell me, what happens when it stops

-lyrics from Britney Spears' "Lucky"

I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that people can possibly like you for who you are, not based on your achievements or what you can do for them. Growing up, I felt like my identity was very much tied with what I "do" and my parents' love and affection for me was intimately linked with how well I perform, be it in school, in music, or in anything in life (manners? proper behavior?). My sister and I just had the best weekend of our entire LIVES - I went down to Los Angeles to celebrate her 21st birthday with her - and at times during the weekend it'd really shock me that my sister would enjoy being with me despite me currently being "nothing" on paper. I told her about this and she asked me why I loved her - it's nothing that's on her resume!

I feel like my dad is trying to change, too. I realized now that he's not trying to control me and I'm no longer trying to please him, we can have a much more genuine, trusting, and real relationship. That being said, I still need time to adjust to all of this and build trust again, but at least I foresee a brighter future ahead.

I got my first tattoo over the weekend! My sister got an identical one on her side, whereas I got this on my left shoulderblade:

We were just saying that five years ago we'd never imagine we'd be doing this together (we semi-hated/resented/disliked each other at that time). It just goes to show how unexpected life can be.

1 comment:

  1. be true to yourself, be happy for who you are. =)

    p.s. nice tattoo!